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 Post subject: Re: "Don't complain, some people have it worse!" is bullshit
Post Posted: Feb 21st, '14, 18:35    


Telstel
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Yup, i agree, it's an excuse to make the other person feel guilty with which there is little solution for it.

Hate it when it's used on me, so i ask 2 questions back that really hits them...
"Name me one that's in a worse situation than me?" and "What have you done to amend it? Surely, you are doing something to help them right?"

I hate guilt trips, it's not nice and not fair to person who really was expecting something nice, but instead felt guilty about something that they have little power over.

And if it happens to be a boss, i would likely to add if they haven't done anything to help these poor people... "So, your saying that your that selfish and pig-headed to help anyone or to even acknowledge my good work record. Sorry, but here is my resignation, i deserve a better working environment than this!"

I don't like people trying me, it just turns me into a smartass and bite back hard.

Guilts trips are a no-no and should not be used caused someone was overlooked for a reward or something. A few kind words does a world of good than nothing and a guilt trip. :mcmeh:

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 Post subject: Re: "Don't complain, some people have it worse!" is bullshit
Post Posted: Apr 24th, '14, 01:06    


Star_Dust
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Usually that argument is complete bullshit unless someone is really complaining about something that barely effects them and they are treating it like the worst thing to ever happen. But in principle I really hate that argument like someone has to validate if you are really should feel how you do or not.

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 Post subject: Re: "Don't complain, some people have it worse!" is bullshit
Post Posted: Apr 24th, '14, 03:25    


fournia
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I agree completely to the headline. It's the reason I hate (realy, realy, really hate, loathe and despise) the song "Streets of London".
The fact that others have bigger problems is meaningles and can never be a valid argument.
Be it in terms of rights of minorities, or like in the case of that "song" depression and bad feelings.
Only loathsome sicko could take comfort or pleasure in the knowlege that others have it even worse, to me it seems one step away from actively hurting others for a feeling of hight.
If I was seriously depressed, the knowlege that my suffering is nothing considering the endless pain the world holds for so many people would upset me even more, not make me feel better.
I don't like the argument and feel strong repulsion towards anyone who thinks or talks along these lines.

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 Post subject: Re: "Don't complain, some people have it worse!" is bullshit
Post Posted: Apr 24th, '14, 05:52    


AsheSkyler
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I don't like that line either. I've had an inch-long piece of wood jammed into my heel before that required an ER visit to remove, but you don't see me making fun of people with a splinter in their thumb that's fixed in two seconds with a pair of tweezers! Pain is pain, regardless of how big it is. Some of us just needed bigger bandaids. I think we should focus less on who the most miserable are and worry more about having the appropriate bandages on hand to treat as many as possible. And try to keep decks smooth so nobody else has to go to the hospital. Where'd that wood come from anyway!?

My life is very frustrating because I'm caught right in the middle of a lot of things. On one side, I have a ton of people pitying me and going on about how my life sucks because it's a bit worse than their own. On the other, I have a ton of people going that I have no right to complain because my situation is slightly better than their own.

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 Post subject: Re: "Don't complain, some people have it worse!" is bullshit
Post Posted: Apr 24th, '14, 06:40    


Arael
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Warning rant:

This argument bothers me so much, and I usually get it in the form of "Check your privilege" . I complain that I am broke, can't marry my transgender boyfriend, get decidedly less respect than my peers because I'm an immigrant and for some reason if you're a white immigrant people are totally allowed to stereotype you and take shots at your culture without fear of someone crying out for political correctness.

There's one guy in particular who loves to go on and on about how how no matter how bad I have it I'm still white. Ok, what does that have to do with anything? Does being white make me any less poor and jobless? Does being white change the fact that I live in the middle of the damn woods? Did being white change the fact that I got sexually harassed at my job when I had one and that I subsequently lost said job because I tried to report the guy who did it. Being white has also not helped me to marry my FtM boyfriend because as long as his legal status is female it's not legal for us to wed in my state and we can't even take a walk without feeling like we need to be afraid to kiss in public or hold hands. Cause we live in the bible belt and that's an abomination. So being white hasn't magically erased all of my problems, I am still an impoverished, foreign, LGBT, woman in an environment that doesn't really like any of those things.

And it's not like I don't get it. Yeah life sucked for your ancestors and probably even your grandparents and a it still sucks for a lot of other POC who live in slums, face prejudice in the work force and can't even buy a doll without being reminded that toys that look like them are valued much less than toys that don't. But I don't want to hear it from you when you're not the one personally getting beaten, killed and enslaved. If your biggest concern is taking the perfect selfie on your brand new iPhone you have no room to tell me to stop complaining and check my privilege. The dude who likes to go on about white privilege is transferring to a great university next year, drives a much nicer car than me and has never once had to fight coyotes away from his garbage because he lives in a nice gated community and not the back of the woods like I do. And I would still NEVER tell you not to complain because someone else has it worse. Being in a position of privilege does not take away your right to be unhappy from time to time but don't you dare tell other people to check their privilege when they're going through hard times.

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 Post subject: Re: "Don't complain, some people have it worse!" is bullshit
Post Posted: Apr 25th, '14, 05:38    


AsheSkyler
Wow, are you a long lost sister of mine or something? And are you living nearby? I'm currently in Alabama. Love the scenery, hate the politics.

Sadly, we are in a weird inbetween place on the way to true equality. With any luck, our children and grandchildren will be oblivious to a person getting better or worse treatment based on their ethnicity or gender.

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 Post subject: Re: "Don't complain, some people have it worse!" is bullshit
Post Posted: Apr 25th, '14, 15:35    


Sierrie
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Yikes. Sounds he doesn't know the difference between different problems and worse problems. He faces different obstacles than you, sure, but sounds like you have plenty. He also seems to be using white privilege as implied class privilege, which a distressing amount of people tend to do. :/ It also sounds like he has some privileges of his own that he should be checking... money, male, and I assume cis/het...

Either way, regardless of which of you has it worse, the point is that it's stupid to get into pissing contests over who has it worse and then use it as justification for dismissing their problems.

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 Post subject: Re: "Don't complain, some people have it worse!" is bullshit
Post Posted: Apr 25th, '14, 21:46    


Arael
Sierrie wrote:
Yikes. Sounds he doesn't know the difference between different problems and worse problems. He faces different obstacles than you, sure, but sounds like you have plenty. He also seems to be using white privilege as implied class privilege, which a distressing amount of people tend to do. :/ It also sounds like he has some privileges of his own that he should be checking... money, male, and I assume cis/het...

Either way, regardless of which of you has it worse, the point is that it's stupid to get into pissing contests over who has it worse and then use it as justification for dismissing their problems.



Yup, he is an upper middle class, cisgender, heterosexual, christian male. I don't doubt for a minute that he faces discrimination from time to time since he is African American but telling other people to check their privilege is just arrogant.

And totally, doesn't matter who's worse off, everyone is allowed to feel unhappy when they have problems. Just don't tell other people that being of a certain race/class/ethnicity automatically invalidates their complaints.

AsheSkyler wrote:
Wow, are you a long lost sister of mine or something? And are you living nearby? I'm currently in Alabama. Love the scenery, hate the politics.

Sadly, we are in a weird inbetween place on the way to true equality. With any luck, our children and grandchildren will be oblivious to a person getting better or worse treatment based on their ethnicity or gender.


I live in North Carolina, so not that far and the politics suck here too.

We can always hope things will get better in the future.

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 Post subject: Re: "Don't complain, some people have it worse!" is bullshit
Post Posted: Apr 26th, '14, 04:18    


AsheSkyler
Arael wrote:
I live in North Carolina, so not that far and the politics suck here too.

We can always hope things will get better in the future.


I didn't know the Carolinas were part of the Bible Belt. I had assumed just Texas, Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee, and Georgia. Welcome to the club, I reckon. I promise we're not all psycho poopyheads down here. XD

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 Post subject: Re: "Don't complain, some people have it worse!" is bullshit
Post Posted: Apr 26th, '14, 05:30    


Arael
Some people here say they are, some say they aren't. Considering that it's still in the south, gay marriage is banned and liberal is a dirty word around here I'd go ahead and count it.

And while a lot of people, particularly the older generations, are pretty narrow-minded I've met plenty of awesome folks too. :)

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