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Have you lost someone you loved?
Yes, someone very important to me died. 38%  38%  [ 64 ]
No, I've never lost anyone. 7%  7%  [ 12 ]
Someone I didn't know very well died. 21%  21%  [ 35 ]
Someone important to me moved far away. 12%  12%  [ 20 ]
Does someone dying before I was even born count? 23%  23%  [ 39 ]
Total votes : 170
 Post subject: Death - How do you deal with it?
Post Posted: Mar 30th, '14, 08:18    


RockinSia
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Just the other day, I found out my grandmother has cancer in two places of her body, we don't know the exact diagnosis yet- whether she'll have surgery or not, if she'll have chemo or not, how much she approximately has to live. She's otherwise very sickly and has pain a lot. I'm not sure how much, but I think it may be the overwhelming kind of pain. So in one way, it would be better to end her suffering if she does go, but it's hard for me to let go. Especially because I found out that if one of my grandparents dies, then they both go. That's what they've decided, because they don't want to live without the other. It's a very romantic notion. I've heard of partners dying within months or a year of their partners, so that backs up the theory of them going "together".

My mom says that if she does go, that she'll be in a better place and they'll be together. I don't want either of them to suffer, so I'll not interfere with their plans... But I hated dealing with the guilt of not saying goodbye to my grandfather on my dad's side before he died. I don't know how I could see them and not make them worry for me, because they both know I have depression. My grandmother believes that praying to this virgin saint for me will one day miraculously cure me. I don't really, I believe more that I have to heal on my own time from past hurts and try to live a healthy life to get over my depression (in addition to taking my medication and going to therapy).

How do you deal with the pain of losing a loved one?
It does eventually fade, doesn't it?

P.S. If you chose the poll option of someone dying before you were even born, then yes it does sort of count because you never had the joy of having them in your life.

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 Post subject: Re: Death - How do you deal with it?
Post Posted: Mar 30th, '14, 15:14    


Saphir
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I don't know if my parents have agreed to something like that (I would prefer if they did not, but I would respect their wishes if they do), but my dad had told me a couple of times before that if he was gonna die, he'd prefer for it to be quick and painless. He didn't want to be those kinds of people that just stayed in the hospital bed, alive but 'dead' in some way. I don't know about my grandparents either. I hope I wouldn't have to think of that for a longer while, but I am aware that at one point, I'm going to live without them. :C

It's not exactly a very happy thought, but that's how life is, I guess.

How to deal with death..? Well the closest person to me who died was my teacher in freshman year. I wasn't very close to my grandmother because she died when I was eight. I didn't really have a good grasp of death yet at the time.

My teacher died very suddenly. She was a CLE (Christian Life Education) teacher because I studied in a Catholic school (technically I graduated a couple days ago. I'm not used to using past tense for it @[email protected]). She was also my 'advisor' because in our school, we don't go to different classrooms for different subjects. Instead, we stick with one class and the subject teachers go to us. An advisor is a teacher assigned to a class and she's like the one who watches over us, etc.

So yeah, she was my adviser during my freshman year. I unfortunately do not remember much about her, and I remember our class making her cry a few times due to our noisiness which causes problems for other teachers. I stayed good terms with her and greeted her every chance I got during my sophomore year.

She died on February 5, 2012, before I had gone to my junior year. It was a real shock because no one expected it, and it was announced on the day that our neighboring school had their school fair. It was supposed to be a fun day.

//ahem sorry I was about to tell you the whole story. Sorry for rambling.

To answer your question, I think it does fade over time, but it never really goes away. I didn't get to go to her funeral because it was in the province, and one of my other teachers says that's better, anyway, since our last memory of her isn't her body in the coffin. I feel sad when I talk about it, sometimes I tear up, but I don't think about it all that much compared to before.

It's like, you gotta move on at one point, right? You'd regret not talking to her more (I sure do) and stuff like that, but we can't change the past. Might as well spend the time with the people who are still here rather than just moping about it. It's easier said than done, but time eventually makes it easier if you allow it to be.

But it's not like you should totally forget them, either. That'll make them sad, being completely forgotten. I know that is the fear of many people when they die, so think about them sometimes. Talk to them if you want since you know that they are in a better place.

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 Post subject: Re: Death - How do you deal with it?
Post Posted: Mar 30th, '14, 21:18    


light_sucks
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I have had a lot of people I love die.
I've had a grandmother and great grandmother die (not sure of their age), two of my cousins died (one was 23 and the other was a week old), a few family friends, my sister (28), my father (58), a couple of dogs, and a bunch of fish.

The ones that caused me the most pain were my sister and father. They died the same year, 6 months apart. So when I was finally starting to manage my pain with my father's death my sister died.

The pain fades a bit, but it never goes away. And sometimes something will remind you of your loved one and you'll just cry and cry. But other times something will remind you of them and you'll laugh. Or both.

Mourning is different for everyone. I didn't really get the chance to properly mourn when my sister and father died because my mom just stopped. She didn't do anything but work. So I was left with the complete care of my niece, I was mostly taking care of her before, but it got even more intense after that.

So I think that I'm doing most of my mourning now, years later, now that I'm not stuck around my family and guilted into being a parent to a hateful child.


I think it's sweet that your grandparents don't want to be without each other.

My boyfriend and I want to die together or I get to go first because I don't want to deal with the pain of another death.

My suggestion is that you try to be kind to your grandmother. Make sure that you tell her how very much you love her and try to spend some extra time with her. Maybe do some nice things for her like make her dinner or clean her house for her.

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 Post subject: Re: Death - How do you deal with it?
Post Posted: Mar 30th, '14, 22:34    


RockinSia
Thank you both for replying.

I will follow your suggestion, light_sucks.

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 Post subject: Re: Death - How do you deal with it?
Post Posted: Apr 8th, '14, 23:47    


wolfcat87
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I literally have a habit of laughing when people die. I think it's a nervous thing? People get very rude about it. It annoys me that people can't understand that everyone handles it differently. I laugh and then I'll cry a bit when alone and then I laugh some more.

Death is death. It should not be feared but celebrated when it comes naturally. It's not like a person is in pain after they die. It's a natural process. Everyone dies. Accept it and make the life you do have as full as possible.

I literally live and make choices as if I could die tomorrow. Because I could. No regrets.

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 Post subject: Re: Death - How do you deal with it?
Post Posted: Apr 9th, '14, 19:23    


RockinSia
wolfcat87 wrote:
Death is death. It should not be feared but celebrated when it comes naturally. It's not like a person is in pain after they die. It's a natural process. Everyone dies. Accept it and make the life you do have as full as possible.

I literally live and make choices as if I could die tomorrow. Because I could. No regrets.
I like your last two full sentences best, I think it is best to accept it and make the life we live as full as possible.
I think what makes it so hard though, is that my grandmother's passing isn't going to be natural, she's going to die in a lot of pain because of her cancer.

I got news not long after I posted this thread that my grandmother has up to a year or as little as two months to live.

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 Post subject: Re: Death - How do you deal with it?
Post Posted: Apr 9th, '14, 21:22    


LaKiseD
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My grandma died and the way I coped was by thinking that she isn't suffering anymore [she had respiratory problems and she hated hospitals] and that she was proud of me and that she's looking over me. Sometimes I'll whisper to her in my room like: hey grandma I know I should be asleep right now but one more episode! or like I hope I get this job grandma. I feel like doing this is like imagining that she's near me and I'm keeping her spirit alive by thinking about her.

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 Post subject: Re: Death - How do you deal with it?
Post Posted: Apr 10th, '14, 09:09    


RockinSia
Your grandma sounds like a wonderful person, and I think that's a great way to remember her by. :mchappy:

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 Post subject: Re: Death - How do you deal with it?
Post Posted: Apr 14th, '14, 00:05    


AsheSkyler
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I have no major situation to really compare by. I did lose my only two living great-grandparents ten years ago. It was rough. Even though my great-grandmother had dementia and was a bedbound mute because of it, I was sad to see her go because I would read to her. And I really missed my great-grandfather, we would play checkers together a lot. I'm living now on the property where they used to and it's kind of comforting.

I'm not afraid of death, but I'm not too keen on dying. That's the part that's going to hurt. I'm hoping I go very fast and as painless as possible.

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 Post subject: Re: Death - How do you deal with it?
Post Posted: Apr 14th, '14, 02:46    


RockinSia
It sounds comforting, to have something in your life to remember them by. :qh:

Yeah, I thought similarly about my own death before, but lately I've been more into the growing old with someone special kind of death. I think all the physical pain I could potentially go through while old would be worth it if I had someone special to go through it with.

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