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Are you into the idea?
Yes 14%  14%  [ 27 ]
Tentatively. 10%  10%  [ 20 ]
Maybe... 18%  18%  [ 35 ]
No 30%  30%  [ 59 ]
I need more info before deciding. 29%  29%  [ 58 ]
Total votes : 199
 Post subject: Re: Polyamory and Open Relationships
Post Posted: Oct 24th, '14, 04:09    


Megami Nekohime
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As the saying goes, "Two is company, three is a crowd." We are not meant to be in such relationships. If we were then nature wouldn't tell us to be upset when our mate goes out on us. I believe natural feelings are a clue to how we should be. And sharing the love of your love with someone else is not something we like doing. It even comes into play in your family. Daughters compete with their mothers for their father's love and attention and the same with Sons and mothers. It's natural to do so because we want to be someone's world, their focus, the main course, not a side dish. I'll share my car, I'll share my food, I'll share my toys, I won't share my man. That's my two cents.

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 Post subject: Re: Polyamory and Open Relationships
Post Posted: Oct 24th, '14, 04:14    


Tocxica
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Open relationships are like threesomes. They're just not for everyone. I don't think not being into the idea makes anyone less secure in their relationship, but I do think that it takes a very secure relationship to be okay with having other people involved and is something that is not for the everyday monogamous to try out.

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 Post subject: Re: Polyamory and Open Relationships
Post Posted: Oct 24th, '14, 07:28    


Tadpole
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So far poly seems to be the best way to do things for me. It keeps me from getting overly focused on any one person as well as making sure I get more of my needs filled. Plus... I think it leaves more room for negotiation. Sometimes there are places where some people work and others that they just don't. I live with two people that I care a lot about and would be willing to enter a QPR with, but it seems likely that I'd turn elsewhere for a sexual relationship...

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 Post subject: Re: Polyamory and Open Relationships
Post Posted: Oct 24th, '14, 08:49    


Aerin
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I've heard about it, and I'm fine with it, as long as every person involved is honest and have respect for his/her partner.

I'm not interested myself, I'm not a jealous person, but I'm very much in love and have been for the last 15 years with a man, and perfectly content with him.

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 Post subject: Re: Polyamory and Open Relationships
Post Posted: Oct 24th, '14, 08:54    


savage_rose
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Personally, I'm not poly. I'm monogamous, as is my husband--I know people who are poly and it works for them (and I've known people who tried poly and it almost broke up their marriage), but the thought of me being with multiple people just seems absolutely exhausting on every level. I would not be able to give multiple people the quality of attention that I give my husband. And where would I find the time? Or the energy? And I just can't imagine loving to spend as much time with someone else as I do my husband. But then some of my poly friends have had their relationship saved by getting to spend time with others and getting what they don't get from their spouse. So really, whatever works :).

I think it's a pat answer to say that everyone is monogamous, or no one is, it seems like an individual lifestyle choice.

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 Post subject: Re: Polyamory and Open Relationships
Post Posted: Oct 25th, '14, 17:45    


mishamonkey
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I personally am in no way interested in having multiple partners. I wouldn't know what to do with them! But for people who want to... I have no objection. However, all of the people involved should really want it, not be pressured into it. Obviously.

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 Post subject: Re: Polyamory and Open Relationships
Post Posted: Nov 6th, '14, 06:14    


JosieMule
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My boyfriend and I are poly and we've been together fourteen years. And most of the time in practice we're monogamous anyway, because we're so close that no one else holds interest for us.

What confuses me with you norms is, how do you draw the line? Like for me, I get weird thrills from what a lot of people see as non-sexual things.

Take for example shaking someone's hand. If I'm attracted to that person, it's a sexual thrill to touch their hand. I love hands. So if my relationship weren't already an open one, would that mean I'm cheating on my boyfriend when I shake hands with someone attractive? Pretty much anything physical is sexual to me if I like someone. A touch on the arm, a pat on the back, a finger stuffed up my--

Whoops, wait.

But seriously, if I were in a monogamous relationship, I'd have to sit by and define absolutely every possibility, what was cheating and what wasn't, before I could go out. It would take days or months to make an inclusive list. This guy touched my hair and I got a bit wet, did I cheat? I laughed really hard at this girl's joke and it made me fantasize about her, did I just cheat?

What matters to me is honesty and loyalty. We would never keep anything from each other and we would always choose each other over everyone else on the planet. So what does it matter if he goes out and some other girl touches his penis? Ooo no, burn him at the stake!!

It's touching who cares? We do it every day! The fact that a lot of people seem to think jealousy and possessiveness are the way you're SUPPOSED to be in a relationship is fucked up. OWNING someone is not loving someone. That's fucked up. Sure it's possible for two people to be attracted to each other and no one else, EVER... I mean it's possible, but it's not likely. And if what you want is for them to LIE to you and tell you they're not attracted to others when they are, then that's sad. That's what nature intended?

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 Post subject: Re: Polyamory and Open Relationships
Post Posted: Dec 7th, '14, 15:20    


mishamonkey
JosieMule wrote:
My boyfriend and I are poly and we've been together fourteen years. And most of the time in practice we're monogamous anyway, because we're so close that no one else holds interest for us.

What confuses me with you norms is, how do you draw the line? Like for me, I get weird thrills from what a lot of people see as non-sexual things.

...

It's touching who cares? We do it every day! The fact that a lot of people seem to think jealousy and possessiveness are the way you're SUPPOSED to be in a relationship is fucked up. OWNING someone is not loving someone. That's fucked up. Sure it's possible for two people to be attracted to each other and no one else, EVER... I mean it's possible, but it's not likely. And if what you want is for them to LIE to you and tell you they're not attracted to others when they are, then that's sad. That's what nature intended?


I can explain from my own perspective why I care-

First off there's the STD thing. It's a lot safer to limit your sexual partners to people you trust, who aren't sleeping around themselves. Obviously, you can take precautions, but I just... feel like it's a lot of risk to sleep with just one person. More than that is more risk than I'm comfortable taking.

Then there's the intimacy thing. Sex means slightly more than a physical act to me. It produces a lot of hormones that reinforce pre-existing feelings for the person I'm doing it with. While I admire you for having a relationship where you're secure enough to know that your feelings won't change. It's not that I don't trust my boyfriend, but... I don't really trust our relationship that much. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm worried he'd run off with someone else, but the trouble is, he can't help how he feels. Neither can I. I don't want to have a situation where either of us is juggling feelings for several people. Also, there's the other people to consider. I'm assuming that they, like me, don't necessarily want just no-strings-attached sex. If that were it, I wouldn't necessarily care. The problem is that 'no-strings-attached' sometimes has a ton more strings than it looks like it does.

As to where I draw the line... neither I nor my boyfriend have ever claimed not to be attracted to anyone else. He's claimed not to want sex with anyone else, which I take with a grain of salt. I don't want to sleep with everyone I'm attracted to. It takes trust for me to do that, which I just don't have for... well, currently, anyone but my boyfriend. I have told him I'd rather know if he's sleeping with someone else, so that I can take precautions, and I don't think it would be the end of our relationship if he told me he'd had a one-night-stand with... someone. In the context of discussing the fact that he's my first and only boyfriend, he mentioned he'd be willing to open our relationship temporarily in order for me to experiment, if I so chose. But, as mentioned above, I just don't see that happening.

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 Post subject: Re: Polyamory and Open Relationships
Post Posted: Dec 8th, '14, 11:12    


Yumi123
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Awh, Polygamy. I really don't like it.
I believe that a relationship is supposed to be between two people. Genders and sexes don't matter to me because I support marriage equality, but I still say that it should be between two individuals. Polygamy where one man has many wives just looks like a guy's wet dream to me. It doesn't look fair to the individual women. I don't see how one person can split their time, love, and affection up fairly between multiple partners.
Same thing with Open relationships. I don't see why it's any different than cheating. "I'm going to say I'm dating you but have sex with whoever I want to." It just doesn't look like it'd work out, in my eyes. I mean, To me, a relationship is a serious thing. It should be you putting your love and affection into the other person. Not "owning" them, as it's been mentioned, but having trust with them. Trust is a big thing in relationships. For me, it's big in any relationship- not just with significant others. If a friend lies to me, I take it to heart quickly because it's like I'm not worth the truth. My fiance was the first relationship I've ever been in. I'd never lie to him because I view honestly as a very important aspect of a healthy relationship. Open relationships look like a breeding ground for jealousy if there isn't communication between the two main people. I could never be in one. I've found someone who loves me, respects my body, loves my quirks, and puts up with my weird habits. He's everything I wanted in a significant other. I have sexy eyes for no one else. Plus, it only takes one slip-up to get an STD.
Not something I could get into.

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