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What have you helped your parents/family with?
Bills. 4%  4%  [ 7 ]
Domestic chores (like cooking and cleaning). 33%  33%  [ 56 ]
Rides to appointments or work. 4%  4%  [ 7 ]
Taking care of hour siblings. 5%  5%  [ 9 ]
Other. 15%  15%  [ 25 ]
All of the above. 38%  38%  [ 64 ]
Total votes : 168
 Post subject: Re: "Owing" your parents
Post Posted: Jul 30th, '14, 10:19    


savage_rose
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You don't "owe" them--family members can and should help one another out, but what your parents ask of you/what you're doing for them makes it sound like a very co-dependent relationship. Codependent No More by Melodie Beatty is a good resource for recognizing and possibly breaking this pattern. Did you get a chance to be a kid when you were one, or were you expected to be a little adult? I never really felt like a kid, frankly. I was an only child and didn't have siblings, but I definitely felt at times like I was raising my Mom.

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 Post subject: Re: "Owing" your parents
Post Posted: Jul 31st, '14, 03:25    


AsheSkyler
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Things are vastly different now that I'm full grown. It's very odd. And a huge relief. We're pretty good friends now.

I was very fortunate my mother wasn't one of those people who think you owe them everything because she had a baby. As she says, it was her decision at the time and not mine. XD
Plus she really wanted kids, she wasn't going to hold it against us anyway.

Where is the line for "owing" your parents?
For me, it's paying official debts. I've paid them back for my car, now I'm working on a loan given to me to help me move once. We have a few relatives that like to "use and lose" people, so it's important to me they let me make some debts official so I can work on them and not feel like a low life. They say it doesn't matter because I'm their kid, but they let me do it.

What do you define as proper help to give your family?
The usual "good neighbor" stuff. Help them get to and from work, the grocery store, etc. when the car is broken down, help out around the yard when they need it (definitely after major storms and flooding and stuff), help them build sheds when they ask. If you're all living together, it would certainly be considerate to help clean and cook, and pitch in on finances if you're able.

Do you sometimes think your parents ask too much of you? Or maybe even too little?
I guess they demanded too much of me, because I'm the same way, and anybody I have to manage turns into a whiny little lazy noodle. Get your butt to work on time and quit calling in sick when you're perfectly healthy, you slob. -_-;

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 Post subject: Re: "Owing" your parents
Post Posted: Jul 31st, '14, 08:34    


SchitsenGiggles
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I honestly think there is a time limit on it. Once you graduate high school I feel like if you don't want to help your family out then you need to leave. Things we have to think about at a young age. If you want to not have to help your parents out, with money or other ways then you should have definitely gotten a job at a young age so you're able to move out on your own or at least got into a good school so you can set yourself up for a good future.

If you want no of those things and just want to barely get by and be lazy then I definitely think people need to pay their parents back some how. Whether it's helping with chores or pitching in with bills. If you are living there, f-n around with friends and still not having long term goals for yourself and your parents are willing to put up with that then you must have some pretty loving parents and it's the least you can do in my opinion.

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 Post subject: Re: "Owing" your parents
Post Posted: Aug 3rd, '14, 23:16    


Foxy Turrets
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I believe we don't "Owe" our parents, but we also should not turn our backs on them.
Example, when I was making a lot of money and my parents were a bit tight, I had no problem giving them money. They needed it, and I felt they cared for me as I grew up, watched out for me, fed and clothed me, etc, so I felt if I was able to, I should return the favor.
The situation has 100% switched since then, I am the one in need of help financially, and they stepped up to help me. I feel horrible I have not been able to pay them back the money. I do not have to, as I lent them money as well, but I feel I want to and need to. Now I am losing my home and they're stepping up to let me move back in rent free. In exchange I shall clean and cook for them and when I get a job help out with food costs when I can as I have a lot of debt.
So really in my opinion I don't think anyone technically owes their parents, but should in any way help out because they did the same for you and always will.

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 Post subject: Re: "Owing" your parents
Post Posted: Aug 5th, '14, 13:01    


CycloneKira
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I think the word "owe" is self-explanatory. To owe someone something, that someone should have done something for you, otherwise you owe them zilch. So, I guess it varies from parent to parent.

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 Post subject: Re: "Owing" your parents
Post Posted: Aug 7th, '14, 05:48    


FlowerRuby
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First I would like to say this only apply to parent who raise and love their kid or try their best to. It not for abuse type parent and so on. My parent raise me with love and so I base it off that.

Where is the line for "owing" your parents?
I think you should pay them back as much as you can but not over that. For example, you should help your parent if they need a car or heath care but you don;t need to buy them expensive thing, vacation to exotic place etc. You only need to provide them with the necessity of life.

What do you define as proper help to give your family?
Help them when time get tough and provide them with the necessity of life like rent if they can;t afford it one month or food if they don;t have any. Nothing like Disneyland ticket and stuff like that, which are not required to have live and stuff.

Do you sometimes think your parents ask too much of you? Or maybe even too little? My parent ask way too much but then again they raise me so hard so I have no right to complain that much.

I do think you owe you parent something under the above circumstance. You owe them respect and love. You should do your best to caer for them when you are an adult.

And to counter the whole they choose you thing, they really didn;t. They were just given a kid from god. If they could chose their own kid they would chose one who would love and appreciate them and not treat them like shit. This is just how I feel about people who parent treat them well and they treat them like shit and feel they don;t owe them nothing. Let them to suffer and put yourself first all the time and just let them die in some old people home and never make much of an effort to visit them. Gosh I can;t stand people who feel that they don;t owe their parent anything not even some respect or love. (under the above circumstance not some parent who abuse and etc)

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 Post subject: Re: "Owing" your parents
Post Posted: Aug 23rd, '14, 05:15    


Yokuutsu
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I'm of the mind they chose me, if it was up to me, I would've never been born.

I don't make a mess and not try to clean it up, but anytime I do clean more than that? Someone immediately destroys it. My brother will not pick up after himself, such as getting up and going to a trash can 3 feet away to throw away things. For awhile I picked up after him, but he doesn't even try so I'm done.

I used to clean all dishes, including my brother's friend that he dragged with him to move back in. No one would even try to rinse their dishes so I went to cleaning my own.

Even while doing all that, and mowing with a shitty push mower (you don't know how bad that mower or our yard is)...I get treated like shit. Which didn't help my motivation to continue the above.

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 Post subject: Re: "Owing" your parents
Post Posted: Sep 2nd, '14, 14:58    


enkeli
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I don't owe anything to my mother, I hate her with a passion and don't want to have anything to do with her, but my dad really seems to care about me so I do feel I owe him. Unfortunately, he's not the best at logical thinking, he usually acts on emotion, so I can't agree to many of his wishes/demands.

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 Post subject: Re: "Owing" your parents
Post Posted: Oct 14th, '14, 08:39    


Betty_Smith
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 Post subject: Re: "Owing" your parents
Post Posted: Oct 19th, '14, 12:13    


Aerin
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Honestly, I don't feel that I owe anything to my parents. I think they gave me what they wanted to give, and that's it. I did a lot of chores at home as a kid (really a lot), and I think that I did way more than my share to help everybody back then.

As soon as I was able to, (19 years old), I left home for my studies and became independent, and since then I tried to ask the minimum only. (help for moving in a new home, to babysit my kids once in while when I can't use any other solution,... That's about it.)

I feel that as an adult, they don't owe me anything, but on the other hand, I don't either, because I didn't ask for anything special.

I do feel like I owe to my kids to keep the link between them and their grand parents, and that I owe my parents to see their grand kids and to enjoy their moments with them, but that's something related to the kids, not really to me only.

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