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Trying to send flowers to my aunt.
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 Post subject: Pulling the Plug
Post Posted: Apr 5th, '17, 04:28    


Moi
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Excuse the term, I'm not very...formal???


My aunt's mom went into a coma over the weekend and they took her off of life support last night.
It's such a heartbreaking decision.
My mom went into a coma a few years ago and they said I had to make the decision if it came to that point.
I didn't know what to do.
I didn't want my mom to die, but I didn't want her that way.
It honestly shattered my heart.
But she came out fine, so I didn't need to make the decision.

My dad told me I'd better not keep him on life support.
He told me to just let him go and to have a party instead of a funeral.

I came across a story about a girl that went into a coma after getting her tonsils removed.
Her family refused to take her off life support, and it caused a huge...outrage?
They claimed she'd moved, she's still there.
But they were told she's brain dead and brain dead means they're dead.
But her family still refused. I saw a lot of people for them and against them.
I can understand not wanting to do it - that's their baby girl.
But I also understand wanting to let her go so she can move on.
It's sad either way for them.

I always believe anything is possible.
There's been all kinds of "miracles" and things that defied logic.
I always hang on to hope. It's all I can do sometimes.
I've seen stories of people who had under 10% chance of living, overcome their illness or injury and get better.
So I would want to wait and see, but I also don't want to keep them there if it's their time.

I'm afraid of dying, so would say to keep me going, but I've not been in a coma.
And I don't know what I'd actually want.


Have you ever made this decision or how do you feel?



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 Post subject: Re: Pulling the Plug
Post Posted: Apr 5th, '17, 06:16    


Mynah
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I think people should be allowed euthanasia, like the patient should be given the choice to go if they want to. But if the patient can't communicate what they want and their family don't know what they want... I understand how difficult that would be but they must do what they feel is best. I don't know if anyone else has the right to decide that for them. Why would someone else know better?

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 Post subject: Re: Pulling the Plug
Post Posted: Apr 5th, '17, 11:46    


Akili Li
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I've only ever heard of huge outrage/issues that became public when one part of the family wanted one thing, and another part of the family wanted something else and they take each other to court.
Or the living will says one thing and the family tries to go against it, and THAT goes to court....

Otherwise I've never seen anyone ever weighing in on that kind of decision; they'd never even have a chance to know about it because that's part of patient confidentiality and it's a privacy-protected decision.


We had this choice for my paternal grandfather, who had a series of small strokes and then a massive one. And he had a living will, and he didn't want to be put on any kind of support at all, but my paternal grandmother just wasn't ready to let him go yet. And she put him on support. We (the rest of the family) decided that since who Grandpa was, was essentially gone already, and Grandma was still there... well, it was more important to us to care for the person still there, still hurting, still grieving. So we supported Grandma and just all took turns staying at the hospital with both of them and making sure she got out for walks each day and went to grief support meetings and after a week she was ready to say goodbye and decided to honor Grandpa's wishes and take him off the support machines.
If she'd held on to him for a whole lot longer we might have revisited matters though, because it's not healthy to live in denial for a huge length of time, either. She's still alive after all, and putting her own life on hold indefinitely for Grandpa's empty shell would be super unhealthy for her, and we might eventually have had to decide as a family to fight her over that choice.
I'm SO thankful we didn't have to.

But, Ambarsariya, I can see how people would end up fighting over it. It's not a matter of 'someone else knowing better', it's a matter of a conflict of concerns. Not just over the person in a coma but over the family members who either want to move on or who want to hold on... it's not just the direct action which has to be considered, it is the results of that action, and its effect on everyone else involved.
And when families take it to the public system to decide, via the courts rather than a private arbitration, or they try to deliberately drum up public support to help them in their otherwise private fight.... of course others will then weigh in. Partly because they want to make sure that their OWN choices, eventually, aren't taken away from them as a result of one family's inability to decide.

(IE if the courts say that the will must ALWAYS immediately be followed, then my grandmother would never have had a chance to 'say goodbye' as it were. Which would have been hard on her. If the courts said that the surviving family always gets final say no matter what then my own family who feel strongly about what should be done TO THEM will feel like they have no say in what happens to themselves, that they may as well not even make out a living will... and that's hard too.
So I can see how, when it comes to these cases, the general public could be justified in weighing in. They aren't so much talking about that specific case as they are the potential cases which involve them.)

Does that make sense at all? I hope that makes sense. It's about 5 am here, so making sense is hard right now.

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 Post subject: Re: Pulling the Plug
Post Posted: Apr 12th, '17, 09:33    


Fire
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I am always afraid of situations like this. I have seizures, and sometimes to stop the memory damage and possible death that can occur at any time during my higher level multi-hour seizures, I put myself in a self-induced coma while I fight it off.
Spoiler
(Disclaimer: I HIGHLY do not recommend this. Most people cannot safely put themselves in a comma naturally like I can (ie without the use of drugs or force - I do it completely mentally), and many more cannot bring themselves out of it safely like I can. To top it off, most people cannot "fight off" a seizure and stop it from happening like I can. My seizure situation is very unique and baffles every doctor I've ever come in contact with. It is extremely dangerous when I do it, and I only use it as a last resort when it seems like the multi-hour seizure I am having may quickly turn fatal. I've never heard of anyone else being able to do this. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS TREATMENT OPTION TO ANYONE WITH A SEIZURE DISORDER.)
During this time, my brain is fully conscious, but I have turned off all other non-homeostasis-controlling bodily functions (such as the ability to feel my nerves, the ability to move, the ability to talk the ability to blink, etc etc), so from the outside it may look like I am dead. But I am fully conscious and fully awake - I am just allocating as many resources and as much energy as physically possible to fight off the seizure. I am terrified that one of these days that will happen in a hospital, and the doctors will pronounce me dead. Especially since my pulse is always very difficult to find, even for doctors, and I purposefully slow my heart rate down massively when I put myself in the temporary coma. I've talked with my fiance about it many times - if I ever go under, do NOT let them pull the plug. I've had these last multiple hours before. Never as far as days, but if I had a big enough seizure, it could easily happen. I'm terrified that I'd do all that work, just to die. Yes, there is always a huge chance I will never wake up (this chance increases every time I use it, as well as with how severe of a seizure it is), but I'd always rather have the chance to come back.
But if I was under for multiple weeks/up to a month? And every test was done to prove I was brain dead? Let my body die. If my brain is gone, I am already dead anyways (in my opinion). No need to waste that kind of money on a lost cause. At that point, even if I was fighting off a massive seizure, I would have accrued so much brain damage from it at that point that my quality of life would be shit. I already have massive memory loss from my seizures. If I was under for that long, I don't think I'd be able to do anything for myself, or remember anything about my past life. I'd rather just go peacefully...

Just my opinion, though. I know people don't want to lose their loved ones. But I feel the same way about this as I do about people calling individuals who commit suicide "selfish" - they are not selfish. YOU are being selfish for making them continue a life of misery to save YOUR feelings. I wouldn't want to live like that. Do it for me. Let me be at peace. Let me rest. Take me out of the pain I'm sure I'd be in. Let it be done.

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 Post subject: Re: Pulling the Plug
Post Posted: Mar 8th, '18, 00:33    


light_sucks
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My husband and I both want to go with doctor's opinion on this. If they there's a chance of waking up, sure. We'll put the other on life support for a while. If not we gonna pull the plug.

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 Post subject: Re: Pulling the Plug
Post Posted: May 20th, '18, 08:02    


wolfcat87
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Wow, I don't know of anyone personally who has been in a coma.

I am also inclined to be optimistic. I'm not afraid of death, but I don't want to be killed if I still could have come back. I told my husband to let my children decide. It may seem harsh, but as their mother it should be 100% up to them whether I live or die. I would be at peace either way knowing that the decision is what they need. I don't want them to feel like anyone took me from them if they had objections.

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 Post subject: Re: Pulling the Plug
Post Posted: Aug 19th, '18, 21:27    


Dream-Baby
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My mom knows my statement is braindead is dead.
Not certain if she could do it though, I know I would have the hardest time to tell them to do it if it was my mom. :}

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 Post subject: Re: Pulling the Plug
Post Posted: Nov 2nd, '18, 02:51    


Chloe
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It's a hard decision.

Personally, not one I have had to make myself through I do feel under certain illnesses that people should have the choice to end things on their own terms, probably why you hear about people aiding with people whom had terminal cancer, etc, ending their lives.

I know last year, my dad was in and out of hospital and can't remember if he had stroke, etc but we were told he had brain damage and the chances of him having a normal, functioning life was very slim.

Unfortunatly me and my mom were never giving the decision to officially decide, my aunt decided to end the life support and he survived one day after this. My mom was not happy and in a way, I was happy I didn't have to make that decision.

Through it's a convo me and mom have had. If anything happened and she was either a veggie or brain dead, to have the plug pulled and I respect her choice. As for me, that's not something I honestly comfortable saying. I am still uncomfortable with death, mainly cause it's not knowing what it's beyond.. Heaven? Rebirth? It's just something I don't want to think too much about.

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 Post subject: Re: Pulling the Plug
Post Posted: Nov 4th, '18, 08:16    


Knowhere
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My mom had to make that decision with her mom, and, as much as I didn't like my grandmother, I agree with her stance on it. My grandmother was a very very independent woman, and if she couldn't be that way, she didn't want to be alive. I'm the same way. But, personally, I think that keeping the life support for a short amount of time so that people can come say their goodbyes and get closure is a good thing. Not having closure sucks.

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 Post subject: Re: Pulling the Plug
Post Posted: Nov 4th, '18, 09:16    


Akili Li
Knowhere wrote:
My mom had to make that decision with her mom, and, as much as I didn't like my grandmother, I agree with her stance on it. My grandmother was a very very independent woman, and if she couldn't be that way, she didn't want to be alive. I'm the same way. But, personally, I think that keeping the life support for a short amount of time so that people can come say their goodbyes and get closure is a good thing. Not having closure sucks.


Yes! That's the term I couldn't find earlier, talking about my grandfather. My grandmother needed closure before she could let go. Yes.

Thank you. That was helpful.

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